iin the liife dhat ii am iin,, ii see many people come nn go..
people changed,, some to good some to bad.. but ii am stiill nort used to iit.. even nurses are gettiing used to see-iing ppl passed on..
nn ii alwaes wonder wad causes the change iin dhem ?? diid anyone threaten dhem wiif a kniife or a gun ?? or diid dhey change to fiit iin the enviironment dhat dhey are iin ?? some wiill sae,, people grow nn dhey stopped doiing thiings to make ppl happy,, dhey just do wad dhey want nn make sure dhey are happy.. but iif ue are happy nn others iis nort,, can ue call dhat real happiiness ??
most people are weariing masks almost everydae.. nn the mask dhat dhey wear are *eviil* because dhey are fake iin a sense dhat dhey are hurtiing people around dhem iindiirectly.. :@:@
siince last tiime ii am alwaes a *shelter* to my fwens,, although ii alwaes sae ii dun miind,, but iit alwaes kept myiie thiinkiing.. 'just wad am ii to ue besiide a shelter ??' nn dhats when ii wiill thiink of many posiitiive reasons for ue just to make myself feel better.. sometiimes iit helps,, but sometiimes the reason ii come out wiif seems so reluctant,, nn ii end up cryiing cause of my stupiid-ness.. nn when my fwens iis iin 'trouble',, ii can alwaes conviince dhem nn make dhem feel better,, but dheres liike only 1 out of 5 tiimes ii am able to conviince myself..
ii alwaes sae dhem stupiid for giiviing iin to fwens when dhey are nort iin the wrong.. but dhats wad ii am doiing also.. my famiily alwaes sae,,''ue alwaes sae ppl stupiid,, but ue dunno dhat ue are the stupiid-est'',, nn my mama wiill sae,, 'ue alwaes beliieve wad people tell ue,, nn ii dun even know how to protect myself from others.. alwaes haviing extra trust nn giviing extra care to those dhat ii can cliick wiif..' iisn't dhat wad fwens are for ?? why must make such a siimple thiing so compliicated.. relatiionshiip whiich also iinclude famiily liike dhat,, fwenshiip also liike dhat,, even strangers make your liife a mess sometiimes.. ii used to be a perfectiioniist,, wantiing everythiing / one around myiie to be perfect,, but siince dhat iinciident,, beiing unable to accept the fact dhat how iimperfect everythiing / one was,, ii changed nn tell myself nth iis perfect iin thiis world.. but frankly speakiing,, ii stiill hope the thiings nn ppl around are perfect,, even though ii know iit iis iimpossiible..
actually myiie myself iis also weariing a mask.. nn the mask iis called happiiness..
secretly speakiing,, 1 of my wiish for my bdae every year iis alwaes 'EVERYONE IIN THIIS WORLD TO BE HAPPY !! '.. ue may fiind iit lame,, but dhats ALWAES wad ii hope for.. knowiing dhat iit iis iimpossiible but ii stiill hope.. call myiie stupiid for all ue want.. liike ii sae use your smiile to change the world nn nort let the world change your smiile..
but when ii am alone,, ii do lots of thiinkiing.. alwaes thiinkiing forever thiinkiing.. nn end up,, ii gort my own braiin stuck-ed !! famiily problemsssss,, fwens problemssssss,, relatiionshiipss..
sometiimes haviing such a biig famiily can be both a good thiing nn bad thiing.. can be worst iif ue have 3 brothers,, because ii am damn worriied wad wiill happen to my 'bf' when he come my house,, nn dhats when ii wiill start thiinkiing about many possiible scenes.. nn ii wiill dhen tell myself,, iis eiither ii can fiind someone who can handle any 'troubles' giiven by my famiily or ii wiill just get attached wiif my toys !! :) dhere's nth now dhat ii regret the most,, just dhat ii regret dhat ii cant dance anymore !! :( :(,, nn the real happiiness ii get iis watchiing people dance,, nn dhats why ii love SHOW LUO !! nn to myiie he iis 95% perfect !! <3<3..
dhats all for now earthliings.. have a good niight !! <3
