CHRISTINAツ

dhere's only the piiano left to stand here wiif myiie,,
the marriiage between us dhat ii've alwaes dreamt of,,
has become the tune of someone walkiing down the aiisle alone..

nn has been siilenced iin my piillow~~
iin thiis love tug-of-war,, to love myiie or to love ue,,
ue chose yourself..
poutingly,, cutely,, faiithfully,, loviing to cry,,
all the photos contaiins memoriies dhat ue liike,,

nn from all the photos we've taken iit can be seen how much ii once loved ue..
tiill todae ii'm stiill at the startiing poiint,,
but ue have already walked back iinto your memoriies..
ue saiid ii loved ue too much,, so much dhat iit's drowniing ue,,

ue're scared dhat happiiness wiill be gone after only a second..
breakiing up iis a form of reliief,, iit allows ue to thiink through carefully,,
can ue giive myiie dhat 'sky' dhat ii want..
ue saiid ii gave ue too much,, dhat ue couldn't giive myiie anythiing,,
cant tell between fervor,, promiises,, eterniity or temptatiion..
love iis liike a wound,, let's endure the paiin ourselves,,

siilence iis my fiinal act of gentleness,,
because ii love ue too much ~~
ii know dhat mutual love iis nort easy from the start,,
love iis nort just 1 + 1,, ue wun alwaes get results even iif ue work hard..
the tears on my cheeks are stiill warm,, yet dhere's no one holdiing my hand..

ii piick a chriistmas card,, fiill iit full of my blessiings..
the address iis new,, wiill ue receiive iit??
the dae iis cold,, the wiind iis heavy..
the ciity iis quiiet yet noiisy,,
on thiis wiinter dae,, ii walk home alone..

ii ask myself iif ii'm used to ue nort comiing to my siide every niight,,
iis dhere any good wae to make my loneliiness manageable??
how have ue been lately,, iis thiinkiing of the past makiing ue struggle too??
ue saiid ue would remember myiie,, do ue remember??
are ue busy,, tiired or does your heart stiill ache??
iif ue're really nort able to forget myiie,, quiickly face happiiness nn set out..

even iif ue have many worriies,, ue've already lost the riight to express dhem..
an old lover's regards are more awkward dhan a stranger's..
ytd iis long ago,, tmr iis far awae,, memoriies of the past are blurred but enormous..
how do ue stop dhese tears from falliing iin the miiddle of the niight??

DAE 2
iits the second dae siince ue left,,
nn my tears seems to be 'out of stock' iin the morniing,,
only a few drops doop doop doop..
totally moodless but stiill must be happy,, :)
slack around at reel-room nn the songs dhere iis soooo ii dunno wad to sae..
so related to how ii am feeliing.. nn once agaiin my tears drop,,
my tears seems to be re-stock,, keep falliing nn falliing..
nn really thanks to meeza<3 for buyiing my biig lolliipop nn bubbles..

DAE 3
nn now iits the thiird dae dhat ue are nort wiif myiie..
nn my tears iis also 'out of stock' iin the morniing,,
but alwaes restock after dhat..
nn thanks wiifey <3 for buyiing myiie a replacement,,
ii really appreciiate iit.. nn really thanks alort alort..
nn also thanks to NYL<3..
alwaes dhere for myiie siince sem 1 ..
my dear giirl,, hope ue are doiing fiine dhere,,
nn gettiing use to the liife dhere..
thiinkiing of ue everytiime just cant stop my tears from falliing..
nn iits the 3 nn quarter dae dhat my tears diid nort stop droppiing..

whoever can be iinviited,, had been iinviited..
the breakfast dhat can be eaten,, had been eaten..
tryiing so hard to smiile iis more despaiiriing dhan cryiing..

how am ii beariing thiis untiil the end??
ii thought dhat the paiin could be scatter,,
so ii triied to get myself busy nn busy,,
so busy dhat ii forgot to delete all your messages..
each letter each word,, appeariing on my face..
the longiing iis too wiild,, the coldness cannort be opposed..
keep thiinkiing of ue,, my busy liife had became completely empty..

lyiing to myself,, keep thiinkiing of ue,, how unbearable..
how great do ue want myiie to be??
ii thought 'workiing' would heal my wound,,
'workiing' so much untiil ii've gort siick..
dun have strength to daydream,, never thought dhat even lyiing on bed,,

ii long for ue to be by my siide even more..
ue're also too wiild,, too unexpected,,
sleep half of the tiime,, wan to wake up to heal the wound but ii criied before dhat..
lyiing to the world,, just to 'pamper' myself become more miiserable..
want to be free,, but ii can only surrender..

maybe because of myself,,
for losiing liitres of tears nn has become so thiin..
faciing the miirror,, ii promiise,,
soon ii wiill change thiis face iinto a smiiliing one..

iit doesn't matter wad,,
a miistake iin love iis a miistake iin love,,
the sooner iits realiized,, the sooner ue can be free..
ii'm lonely,, lonely,, but iits fiine,,

for now dun comfort myiie,, dun hug myiie..
just let myiie be alone to feel thiis unbearable paiin,,
and tiill ii go crazy,,
as long as ii diidn't diie iit'll be okiie..
ue dun have to come back from memory wiif a smiile,,
ii dun beliieve ii'm dhat stupiid,, dhat ii can't forget ue,, hold on or wun let ue go..
a person iis iiniitiially alone,,
wad was borrowed needs to be returned..
ii wiill alwaes be able to let ue go,,

maybe because of ue,, ii dream by myself wad do ue stiill want to change??
iit's useless to love agaiin,,
everyone has theiir own cause nn effect of karma..
wad wiill we have,, we wiill have nth,,
as soon as we get thru thiis,, we can see the future..

cant see ue even wiif a paiir of biinoculars,,
where has your heart flown to??
soundlessly takiing off,, enjoyiing the siilence of the niight~~

dun sae sorry,,
dun waiit tiill ii'm hurt by breakiing my heart before sae-iing dhat ue diidnt do iit on purpose,,
yet ii cant blame ue..
but dun let my love change iinto worthless iitems / suspiiciion,,
yet ii can only love ue..
ii see ue when ii close my eyes,, thiinkiing of ue reviitaliises myiie~~

ii beliieve ue,, however ii'm startiing to miistrust myself..
use your actiions to prove,, your determiinatiion,,
dun just sae thiings wiithour materiialiisiing,, wad ii want iis nort just SORRY..

iits just the fiirst dae dhat ue are nort wiif myiie..

nn ii cant control my tears from droppiing,, cause

ue are nort dhere scratchiing your back..
no one will walk iinfront of myiie nn block my wae liike how ue use to do..
no more ha-choo from ue..
no more 'gallopiing' from ue..
no one see-iing myiie when ii leave my house..
when the place ue wiill alwaes eat now become empty..
no one waiit for myiie when ii dry my haiir..
the grass patch iis now so empty wiithout ue runniing around nn lookiing for spot to release yourself..
no one waiitiing for myiie iin the liift liike how ue use to..
no one runs iin ciircle nn ciircle iinsiide the liift..
no one wiill stand dhere nn stare at the door just to waiit for myiie to open the door..
ii need nort stand at the door just to waiit for ue to smell myiie,, before ii can enter the house..
no one wiill waiit outsiide the bathroom just to waiit for myiie to fiiniish bathiing for an hour..
no one wiill make a funny sound when no one answers the phone or when the alarm riings..
the cloths hangiing now iin the toiilet iis nort for ue anymore,, when your name iis wriitten on iit..
one compartment of the fridge dhat use to have all your food,, now become empty..
no one now siits besiide myiie whenever ii am usiing my laptop or watchiing the TV..

iits liike losiing sooooo many thiings iin just a dae..

nn of course ii cant take iit,, but ii know ii must take iit..

pray dhat ue are happiier dhere..

II MIISS UE ALORT ALORT ALORT !! :'(

at fiirst ii thought dhat love alwaes led to happiiness,,
but now ii choose to giive up agaiin..
ii was too stubborn nn bliind to know how to stop,,
dhere's no use to fiix my broken heart..

iinnocent alwaes make myiie feel so numb,,
we are separated from now on..
so much tiime has been wasted,, so much paiin has been endured,,
but now ii fiinally understood..
hold back,, dun cry,, ii dun wan to cry,,
look up at the sky nn hold back the tears,,
look up at the clouds nn waiit for the sunriise,,

erase the story of us dhat once exiisted..
ii cant admiit defeat as ii know dhere's alwaes a raiinbow iin the miist,,
iit wiill briing myiie happiiness when ii come to the next crossroad..
nn who wiill accompany myiie for a new dance??

people come nn go.. of course pets do dhat too..

tryiing hard to get use to iit,, although ii know ii need lorts of tiime..

sae-iing iis easy but doiing iis hard !!

ii hate sae-iing goodbye,, so ii avoiid by hiidiing nn cry !!

dhats the only thiing ii can do.. :'(

nn now ii fiind no reasons to go home.. :(

II MIISS;

- the wae ue stretch yourself when ue just wake up.

- the wae how ue 'roll' up liike a ball when ue sleep nn becomiing 'handiicapped' for a few miinutes after ue wake up.

- the wae how ue react when ue hear any sound..

- the wae how ue hop around when anyone comes home..

- how ue run to nn fro to make yourself tiired..

- the tiime ue sleep on my bed nn occupyiing more dhan half of iit !!

- how ue liie/ siit down..

- ue restiing your head on my arms..

- the wae ue look at myiie..

- ue cliimbiing to my bed duriing late miidniight..

ALL IIN ALL II MIISS UE !!

see-iing how empty the place ue once sleep,, so many cloths gone,, the friidge become more spaciious..

my tears just cant stop droppiing.. everypart of the house makes myiie thiink of ue !! :'(

but stiill hope ue will get use to the place ue are iin now !!

nn nort get bulliied.. :(

the weather now relates so well to my mood now !! :(

HOT OR NORT
- SELF-CONFIIDENCE = 53% (doubt myself in some situations)
- SENSORY PERCEPTIONS = 49% (somewhat sensitive to stimulation around myiie)
- BODY LANGUAGE = 50% (ii dunno how to use body language to my advantage yet)
- CONVERSATIONAL SKIILLS = 60% (ii can fiit iin wiith sociiety)
- EMPATHY FOR OTHERS = 83% (an extremely kiind nn warm person)

IN THE FIISH TANK
ii enjoy being surrounded by lots of your relatives and friends. ii can be over-possessive and sometimes this can hurt the people around myiie. Learn to chill out; ii have lots of friends, so there's no need to cling to just a few. Share my natural happiness around, particularly to my sweetheart.

AM II STIILL THIINKIING BOUT MY EX
ii have managed to sweep away any feelings ii have left for my ex. ii am fully recovered and ii don't dwell in anguish over the memories of my times together. ii am completely and happily in love with my current boyfriend/girlfriend. Although ii may occasionally mention the name of past boyfriends/girlfriend, it will simply be because it relates to what ii am talking about. The present moment is what ii am interested in.

LOVE TEST
- When it comes to love, ii fall in love very quickly and easily.
- ii give 50% to your relationship and expect to receive 50% in return.
- If there is a problem in my relationship, ii am able to confront it in an optimistic way and full of hope. ii want to work it out right away, all by myself.
- ii need lots of reassurance in my relationship. ii'd like to see my loved one every day, if possible.
- ii accept my loved one the way they are. ii don't expect him or her to change for myiie.
- When ii love someone, ii tend to stay in love for a long time.

Ue are back once agaiin !!
Ue come nn leave as nn when ue liike,,
nn ue do thiis because ue know ii wiill stiill accept ue back no matter how bad ue can be..
nn true enough,, ue know myiie well,, ii can't briing myself to hate ue or iignore ue !!
nn ue love to come back when ii am goiing to giive ue up soon,, HOW CLEVER OF UE !!
BUT ii am tryiing,, tryiing hard enough !!
nn ii beliieve nort long ltr,, ii wiill briing myself to hate / iignore ue !!
but stiill please,, iits your problem to fool around wiif other giirls,,
iits nort my busiiness,, so please ask your 'bees' nort to contact myiie !!
nn whenever ii piick up your 'bees' call,, the 1st thiing ii hear iis,,
'DUN MESS WIIF MY BOY !!'.. harloooo,, who iis messiing who now ?!?!
ue ownself enjoy playiing outsiide,, but all the shyt ii cover ??
ii dun wan to get murder-ed wiithout knowiing why !!

Met up wiif Esther nn Kass makan fiirst before goiing for LB UT..
nn luckiily our turn quiite fast,, iis the fiirst few nn nort the last few,,
the helmet damn stiink nn wet !! when reach the 'rope' statiion,,
ii tiired already,, thanks to the staiirs..
ii am damn lucky cause ii left wiif just 2 sec dhen over 5 miins,, nn wiill lose 2 marks..
WAHHH !! ii damn stress,, but lucky ii fiiniish iin tiime.. :) :)
super duper nervous dhat my stomach keep paiin..
but stiill am happy dhat ii successfully do the soft lock,, WEEHEE..
went to buy iice-cream,, nn ii saw the one dhat SHOW LUO advertiise !! WAHHHUU !!

Kass,, Esther,, Miine

SHOW YOUR LOVE !!

after dhat slack around nn went to clementii..
iits been so long siince ii went dhere,, nn ii dunno dhere's clementii mall..
walk walk whiile waiitiing for my brother nn mother,, shop around nn dhen makan nn home.. :) :)

fiinally met up wiif wiifey ytd.. nn also FIINALLY have spiicy food..

chiit-chat-ted alort,, nn ii came up wiif the 2 'phrase'..

- ue wanted the truth,, but when the truth iis told,, ue hope iit was a liie..

- ue giive liittle but expect much..

after dhat home,, nn so lazy to wake up for school todae..

we cooked pancake, iinstant noodle nn friied egg..

we had alort of fun..

nn now ii want to sleepp..

II AM SO DAMN TIIRED !!

ii alwaes hope dhat ii can forget ue..

so please do somethiing dhat hurt liike 789,,

so dhat ii wiill know how bad ue are !!

LOOK AT THE CHEST !! AWWWW

But thiis iis also appliicable to giirls !!

CATCH THE RAT !!

WEEEEEEEEEEEE~~

STUPIID 1 ; iiron the clothes for long,, but stiill nort straiight,, look at the swiitch,, iit iis nort open.. -.-

STUPIID 2 ; why my face so whiite? wash iit,, so soapy,, cause ii put the faciial wash,, dhen go do other thiing nn forget to wash iit awae..

DUN MAKE PROMIISE IIF UE CANT DO IIT..
ue never fulfiill any promiises ue make tiill now..
nn ii am startiing to get all diisappoiinted..
ue alwaes sae ue wiill,, but ue ALWAES never !!
nn now ii start to have no expectatiions from ue..
no expectatiions = no diisappoiintment..
nn ii treat wadever ue sae now,, iis ue saiid iit when ue are happy..
the thiings ue sae iis diifferent from wad ue show nn wriite..
so now ii really dunno how ii should beliieve ue..
the trust iis no longer dhere..
HOW HOW HOW ?!?!
ue buiild the trust nn ue are destroyiing iit..
BUT; wad else can ii do.. :(
go nn thiink about all the thiings dhat ue have promiised,,
nn cross out wad ue have done..
nn see how many left dhat are left dhat ue never fulfiilled !!
ii thiink those dhat ue never fulfiill iis 95% of wad ue have promiised !!

nn ue saiid ue wun rmb thiings dhat are nort iimportant to ue..
so recall how many thiings ue have forgotten..
ii alwaes tell myself,, 'maybe ue are just too busy doiing thiings dhat ue forget'..
but ue alwaes proof myiie wrong..

2 UT fiinally over !!
But the stress-est one iis on mondae.. haiiz sociiology !!
Why ue dun wan be fwen wiif myiie.. so hard to understand ue !!
Anw,, EE ii thiink iits a gone case,, ii dun even know wad iizziit about..
But for AE,, maybe stiill gort hope.. ii studiied for 5 plus hours..
Whiich ii liike never before,, ii also forget..

nn now ii am offiiciially siick..
stiill gort dance tmr..
Later dance dance,, nn my nose keep runniing liike tap water..
oh ya !! my phone spoiiled.. so dun blame myiie iif ii never reply ue..

II ALSO WANT !!

REAL HOT DOG !

NIICE !!!!!!

UT 1 results are nort even all out..
nn iits start of UT2.. :(
iits EE (Environmental Education),, whiich ii dun really giive a damn to iit..
a C iis enough.. just let myiie pass thiis wiithout re-takiing..

P.S; iits hurts ue pushiing myiie to your fwens,,
ue should know myiie,, eh no..
ue know myiie but ue dunno myiie..
everytiime ii hear about your storiies,, dhere iis nth ii can do..
wad else can ii do but smiile..